Written by Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the holiday’s in your own way. The new year is traditionally a time of reflection. It’s a time to think about the past, as well as the future.
I was reflecting this morning on an old memory. Back in my community college days, I had a job at Golds’ Gym.
One day while I was working at the gym, I was extolling the virtues of pull-ups to a friend. My friend, who had a great sense of humor, was self-deprecating to the point of being self-defeating.
During our conversation my buddy said point blank, “I don’t do pull-ups because I’m fat.”
I said, “whoa, go easy on yourself. You don’t need to do full pull-ups to get the benefits.” I pointed to the assisted pull-up machine in the back. “You can use that over there.”
He shook his head, “Nah man, I’m too embarrassed to use that machine.”
In kind of a knee jerk reaction, I gave him an incredulous look and said …”so you’re not going to do any?” It was a light bulb moment because he looked at me like I flipped a switch inside him. “Good point,” he replied.
There’s a term for what my friend was doing to himself. It’s called self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage creeps into our lives in subtle ways. It keeps us stuck, stifles personal growth, and puts limits where there need not be any. It can look like the following…
- Thinking you need to get in shape before joining a gym.
- Not signing up for karate lessons because you’re embarrassed to wear a white belt.
- Dodging a promotion.
- Not applying for your dream job because you don’t like interviewing; or, you’re afraid you’ll fail if you get the job.
- Being chronically late.
- Always forgetting things.
- Pretending to not be as smart as you really are.
The author Brianna Wiest said in her best-selling book “The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery”
In reality, self-sabotage is simply the presence of an unconscious need that is being fulfilled by the self-sabotaging behavior.
According to Brianna Wiest, we always get we want, even when we self-sabotage. Because, self-sabotage is a maladaptive way of getting an unconscious, and contradictory need met.
I’m going to lay down another challenge for you all. But I promise this one is going to help you with your black belt test. Think about the different areas of your life (relationships, health, career, etcetera…) and see if you can identify a self-sabotaging behavior that’s holding you back. When you find one, identify the unconscious need you’re meeting with the behavior.
This is an excellent journaling or blogging exercise.
