Written by I recently had an experience involving a good friend having a near altercation with someone while we were walking in to an event. It was actually a group of 3 people. They were all making fun of the friend I was with because of what he was wearing. Insane, right?! Personally, I was offended. Our group of friends had done nothing to provoke these random people at all. Yet, they made one comment, and another, and another. At first, I thought this may escalate into something more so I went into orange alert. I was so angry at these people. How could they do that? My friend that was being ridiculed is a nice guy, he wouldn’t start a fight with anyone. My friend ended up just waving, laughing, and walking right past. Then the 3 people stopped and went about their business. Nothing happened at all. I actually had to take a few deep breaths to calm down. I turned to my friend and asked “weren’t you upset? I thought you were going to fight them”. He simply said, “nah, that doesn’t bother me at all. It’s their problem. Words are words”. He was absolutely right.
I think letting go of anger and seeing through that blindness is so crucial in life and in the martial arts. Controlling emotions (anger in this case) is truly an art. Anger can lead to massive pitfalls. Not being effected by rude people and bullies is something I definitely need to work on. I respected my friend very much in that moment as I almost lost my own cool. It was an unexpected lesson that I will never forget.
That happens probably to lots of people. Just because the person can fight doesn’t mean they should fight. People who insult other people are not confident in themselves. They are trying to look good in front of their friends. It takes the smarter wiser person to walk away. The book Zen In The Martial Arts has excellent lessons in this.
I agree with you completely. Yes I downloaded Zen in the Martial Arts and will start it soon. Thanks for the suggestion!
Good lesson. As we get older and mature in our thinking we (hopefully) find it easier to walk away from this stuff. We have too much to lose!
Agreed!
Wow, I could feel my emotions rising just reading your words. Kudos to your buddy to be able to step back and see his way around it. A good reminder to me that there’s more than one way to handle conflict. Thanks for sharing.