Written by Sometimes your mind can be your worst enemy!
A week ago, I had the opportunity to share part of my life story, the challenges and opportunities, with a non-profit (Boldly Me) that a work colleague of mine roped me into mentoring. It has been a great experience even though going into it I was not overly enthusiastic about participating with so many existing obligations and commitments I have already on my plate. I was able to meet with a young college student who was struggling with facial discoloring that leaves large white patches on her face—she felt very self-conscious and I spoke with her I could tell when compared to my own experience with facial scars and being self-conscious about it, that a lot of her fears and the anxieties they fed were contrived in her own mind. The only limits she really had was of her own making; perceptions formed by fear of what others might think, how they may act or judge. This culminated in her feeling like she was different and in being different, she felt like her opportunities might be limited.
Upon reflecting on our conversation, a week or so later, I realized that I too had for many years put in roadblocks to my own growth and development. That I too had some years ago blocked myself from taking positive actions because I questioned my ability to do so or let fear of failure or how others may view me foster inaction.
I shared with her some of my own challenges and that our mind, while a wonderful thing, can also be a central encumbrance to our own growth and development. We all have built-in negative bias which in turn can lead to us focusing on bad things. This in turn can lead to a direct impact on our behavior and our willingness to take action that otherwise could change this perspective through new experiences.
The one piece of feedback I provided this lovely young lady I mentored is if someone judges her because of her facial discoloration it often is that person projecting something they themselves are insecure about and that it is less about her, more about them! I also told her that she should always maintain boundaries and if someone does not respect her for who she is and/or what she is doing as a member of society, school, work, whatever, then she does not need to feel obligated to give them neither time nor attention. In other words, life is too short to spend energy on trying to make others accept them or to take on the burden of permitting another to weigh us down because they themselves have insecurities or other shortcomings.
Looking back, I know from my own experience how much I used to project and fret about something happening or ending up a certain way. I could find the worst possible outcome ever, feel anxious about it and 99% of the time it didn’t end up happening the way I thought it might. I guess I have a little wisdom now with some of my life experiences and today, I do much less of that “future tripping” and focus mostly on what is right in front of me. Like my black belt candidacy and not worrying or stressing about the upcoming test; if I continue to practice, learn, hone my skills and meet my requirements to the best of my ability then I have nothing to fear. The “enemy” often centers in our mind (perspective) and it takes work to focus on changing this perspective as to live to our fullest.
Thanks for sharing this, sir. As we all spend less time worrying what others might think, it needs maturity or good role models to overcome this fear.
You, sir, are one good model to look up to. I bet you helped that young lady tremendously.
Thank you, Dirk-san. Your thoughtful input is always very much welcomed and appreciated!